The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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