apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
