I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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