Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
