dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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