As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize