grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
did i just pee glitter
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