I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
