I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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