My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
