Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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