Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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