i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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