I think I died a long time ago.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
