Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
