$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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