Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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