Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Enjoy the penises
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
