This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
