wrigley field is MILF paradise
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
