he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
