***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
