i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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