I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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