Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
