I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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