Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
