Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
