Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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