I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
