Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
