i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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