I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
