I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
