i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
