dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
