There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
