Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
