dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
