I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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