I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
