see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
