Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
