there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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