And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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