Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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