hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
