I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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