you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
