I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize