sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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