i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
