Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
