Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
