im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
