my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
