Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize