I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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