Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
