i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
