I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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