My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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