How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
