Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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