I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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