Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
