Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
