Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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