Is it because I queefed?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
that may or may not have been my penis.
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