i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
