Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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