If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
